if you could take all the love without giving any

[rayvyn carius valentine]

•Rayvyn Carius Valentine•
And so we cannot know ourselves or what we'd really do

[/font][/size][/right]

Rayvyn Valentine spent a lot of time outside but it was rare for that tie to be spent with people. Sure, she new many people famous and not but she didn't spend any time with them other than work. She knew a total of three people she might hang out with. Vince, Jac and Dominique were about all she had as far as friends went. And she wasn't even sure about Dominique. She was glad she had those two though definite friendships.

As she walked down the busy streets toward the club Jac had named her to meat at she couldn't help but reflect on the past few years. She had attempted suicide twice, almost three times, and no one seemed to know. She was weary of telling Jac, despite how close they were, and felt more inclined to spill this to Vince. When it came to Jac it was more for letting loose and coming out of her shell. She told Vince more as far as "spilling her guts" went because she was more comfortable with it. She was so grateful for those two.

Moving here hadn't been so bad after all. She would have to thank her parents next time she saw them. And apologize for scaring them the first week here. It had turned out as a good change for her after all. She had gained some confidence, though not much, friends who cared about her and there was much more opportunities to grasp in Hollywood.

If were still in Oregon now she would never be able to make it as a photographer, script writer or even a painter. She would be stuck at home locked in her room, probably going blind. They didn't have the resources there that LA had. She was no longer wearing out dated contacts, though glasses would still be better for her, and her eye sight was no longer decreasing. And the clothes she could get here were so much nicer.

She was, in all honesty, both terrified and excited to be going to a club with Jac, It would be the first time and she was worried about getting carded. She was only eighteen though her fake ID said otherwise; twenty. She could barely pull it off with how timid she was. She put on her most confident face though, turning around to the entrance of the club.

She was carded but not caught, allowed to go right in with a smile and a "have fun" kind of remark from the bouncer. the second she stepped in she couldn't help but squint, the lights bothering her sensitive orange eyes. Going from the darkness of the late evening she had covered herself in to the dim of the Liquid Kitty was a sudden change. Her pale and pasty skin danced under the light there, reflecting an odd glow off of it and her snowy white hair.

She stood out among the people though she didn't really mind. She was used to being the soar thumb. Her cream colored dress hugged her small chest, a pink ribbon under it allowing the skirt of the dress to billow out around her tiny waist. It had chocolate brown and pink accents on it. Under was a pair of thin, blue nylons and pink striped socks. She had yellow leg warmers on and black ballet flats as well. In her hair was a pink head band, though it just sat there instead of keeping it out of her eyes, and on each wrist were two bracelets. She also had a beaded necklace on.

This was her usual style. Bright colors to make up for the lack pg pigment she had. Her sister had once suggested using colored contacts to hide the orange glow her irises had that often intimidated people but that had never been on Rayvyn's mind. Sure she hated being albino but why hide it? Like the suggestions Lillie had about dyeing her hair blond. The most Rayvyn would do it streak the ends grey, like now, and no more. Why hide the inevitable? It wouldn't make her any more comfortable in who she was.

She slipped into the nearest empty seat and looked around for Jac. It was nice of her top at least pick something that played jazzy music. Rayvyn didn't listen to much else. Jazz, Blues and Classical were about all she cared to hear. But where was she? She hoped Jac would show up soon, she'd probably have a panic attack if someone attempted to talk to her while on her own. Okay, she'd definately have a panic attack.

tag: jac
outfit: click me
words: 769
muse: purdy gurd
notes: lyrics by the flaming lips
music: various peter gabriel songs[/size]

[jacqueline vivienne moore]

WHAT YOU TAKE WON'T KILL YOU
be careful what you're giving.

JAC ADORED RAIN. to her, it made everything look a thousand times prettier, and the way the city lights looked in the rain was just breath taking. but when you were dressed up and going out, rain would be your worst enemy. so when she felt something wet falling on her nose as she stepped out of the house, she wasn't exactly pleased. "great.." she murmured, letting out a sigh, as she waited for the cab she had asked for to arrive. the girl wasn't the biggest fan of the cabs, you see, sitting in a car, whilst someone else, someone you didn't know, was driving it wasn't something she'd enjoy. but today, she was obligated to take one. she was too responsible to drive herself to a club, knowing that leaving the club too drunk to drive was always a possibility. and she had refused to take the limousine. she didn't know why they had one in the first place, her father was hardly ever in town, and in the rare occasions that they needed one, such as premiere's and award ceremonies, they could simply rent one. but dominique had insisted that they needed one, and her father, being the easily convinced person that she was, had granted his daughter's wish. and since the day it had been bought, jac have only used it twice, and that was to premiere's. she knew that taking a limousine to clubs assured for you to get in, but she'd like to think she would be able to get in clubs without the help of that unnecessarily artsy, gigantic vehicle- plus, the amount of gasoline it consumed was unbelievable. so, that only left one option; taking a cab.

AFTER FIVE MINUTES of waiting window shade, trying not to get wet, she finally caught the sight of the cab. after being stopped at the gate for a second, the cab made its way through the house's drive road, and stopped in front of the door. taking quick steps, she headed towards the cab, and got in. after informing the driver about where they were going, she turned her attention outside the window, hoping that the traffic wasn't too bad. waiting wasn't her favorite thing to do, you see. the girl had always been impatient, and she'd get bored of the most exciting things after a while, let alone boring- that was practically death for her, especially when she was having a hyper day like this one. she had consumed far too much sugar for her own good at the studio, but she had finally managed to finish recording, which was definitely an event to celebrate. biting her lower lip, she tried to pay attention to the radio, noticing that the woman was reporting on the traffic on sunset strip. luckily, from what the woman told, they wouldn't have much trouble, the boulevard would be fairly smooth. drumming her fingers on the door, she let out a sight.

SHE HAD ALMOST passed out when the driver asked her if she wanted to go in from the back door. jac smiled at the man and said, "i don't think that's necessary", liquid kitty wasn't exactly a place that paparazzi's would guard. so after two minutes or so, she the car pulled in at the club's gate and she got out. the bouncer let her in without carding her, she had been here enough times for the man to recognize her, plus, she had never really been carded. smiling back at the bouncer, she stepped in the club, appreciating the calm environment. the place wasn't exactly the loudest or the craziest club in town, which was why she had chosen to come here. she knew that rayvyn wasn't so used to being in such environments, so liquid kitty was a nice medium. as she stepped in the club, she felt the music vibes coming from the amps surrounding her. making her way through small crowds, she tried to spot rayvyn, and after a few seconds of looking around, she had noticed that she had already passed by the girl. walking towards her direction, she flashed a smile, and slipped into the seat next to her. "hi ray!" she said, in her usual, hyped up tone. "you look great." she always liked the girls style, she was always unique, and that was a personal trait jac thought of as very important. after looking around to see a waiter, she turned her gaze back to the girl, and said, "so, what do you think? you don't hate me do you?" referring to the club- she really hoped that the girl liked the place, because she'd hate herself dragging her to somewhere she hated.

WORD COUNT: 802
OUTFIT:clickk
NOTES:nope.

[rayvyn carius valentine]

•Rayvyn Carius Valentine•
And so we cannot know ourselves or what we'd really do

[/font][/size][/right]

As much as Rayvyn loved the rain she wished it would snow in California. The only bad thing about the place so far. She was almost hospitalized from a sun burn the first summer there. she was so sensitive to the sun. she often forgot just how bright it got here and went out without putting on any sun screen. Luckily she had carved a note into her front door at eye level to remind herself. She had started to invest in sunglasses a lot too. It was just so bright. She hated sunglasses.

She missed the snow and the winter. She had always felt so at peace when it was cold out. As a kid she used to imagine that she was the lost child of the Snow Queen and that they were trying to find her. It made being teased feel so much better. While she had grown out of that fantasy she hadn't grown out of the comfort and security being out in the snow gave her. She really missed it.

Her eyes stared timidly at the ground as a young man walked toward her. He was tall and not much older than her. His hair was sandy brown and cropped, styled so it spiked messily but nicely. His eyes were dark and his smirk a bit intimidating. Please don't sit down, please don't sit down, please don't down! She closed her eyes for a moment, begging for Jac to show up soon. She didn't want to talk to him. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She wanted to get out, this was a bad idea.

Just as she was going to stand Jac sat down in the seat. The man frowned and turned away, chasing after some other girl instead. "Thank you!" she sighed, clearly relieved. "I was about to have a panic attack, next time we meet outside," she explained, her naturally loud voice shaky and shy. It was more of question than a demand. She couldn't help but crinkle her nose as the nickname that seemed to stick in LA. She hated being called Ray. She liked Rayvyn.

She had always found her name ironic. Raven's were dark birds and she was white. And while she was bird-like in appearance she
resembled an owl more than a raven. Raven's were a sorrow, which she definitely felt, and wisdom. Wisdom was something Rayvyn had a lot of. It was too bad her siblings didn't share the same enlightenment about their names. Sylent was far from being quiet. Though Lillie was suitable, proud, but she certainly wasn't innocent. Lillie had done a lot more sexually than Rayvyn had and she was only sixteen.

"I like the music but please don't leave me alone tonight," she pleaded, her wide, orange eyes twinkling with her fear. She could never hide how she felt because of her eyes. They gave away everything. "I'll give it a try but the second I'm left alone I'm going home," she promised with a more steady voice. She was never good in social situations though Jac being around seemed to help. She tended to get clingy when out with Jac.

outfit: click me
words: 528
muse: purdy gurd
notes: lyrics by the flaming lips; short >.<;
music: la vie boheme from rent[/size]

[jacqueline vivienne moore]

WHAT YOU TAKE WON'T KILL YOU
be careful what you're giving.

BLOWING A LOCK OF hair away from her eye, jac looked around, wondering if there were any familiar faces. that was the thing with this city, there were thousands of place you could go, but still, everyone seemed to float to the same clubs and restaurants, and the chances were, wherever you went, you'd see someone familiar. when you needed company, that was a good thing, but when you weren't in the mood and wanted to be alone, it sucked. luckily, in time, everyone had learned that waiting for jac to say hi first was always the better thing to do, because when the girl was in a bad mood, approaching her would cause for you to get a terrible reaction- she was never good at controlling herself. yet although she had managed to deal with that little problem, she haven't yet found a way to keep people from talking about her. that was how gossip spread around like wild fire in this city, just by going out, you'd witness a million things to talk about, and no one seemed to be care about the fact that what you have witness could have been something private. it was so crazy that, sometimes you'd be the last one to find out about something that included you. before you were dumped, everyone would be talking about it. before your best friend told you she was getting married, asking for you to keep it a secret, e! would have already mentioned it. it was crazy, but it was something everyone had learned to live with. luckily for her, jac would rarely be in the center of the day's front page news, but it still annoyed her.

HER GAZE SHIFTED back to rayvyn, and smiling at her reaction, she said, "you're welcome. and fine, we'll meet outside. but we're here now, so you need to relax. it's not that bad, we could have gone to coco de ville." she was joking though, she wasn't the biggest fan of that club herself. it was always packed with people she'd much rather to avoid, and the only times she had been to there was when she was dragged there by someone, like rayvyn's situation right now. in her case though, the problem was that she was impatient, rather than shy. she found it easy to communicate with people, and she had been told she was rather flirtatious, though she'd deny that one to death. through out her life, she had always been pushed into crowds of people she didn't know, and socializing, or telling people to fuck off without sounding that bad, was something she had to pick up along the way. she wasn't always the friendliest person, and sometimes she could have been rather distant, but still, not shy. in a sense, she and rayvyn completed each other. she could of been the more out going one, but that didn't change the fact that she always felt like a little kid around rayvyn, and although in the current situation it seemed like she was the one who saved rayvyn, it was normally the other way around. giving the girl an encouraging smile, she said, "i won't leave you alone, promise. but if something happens and you can't see me around, just be rude to people. always works."

WORD COUNT: 571
OUTFIT:clickk
NOTES:nope.

[rayvyn carius valentine]

•Rayvyn Carius Valentine•
And so we cannot know ourselves or what we'd really do

[/font][/size][/right]

Her eyes, glowing a deep shade of red under the lights of the Liquid Kitty, stared shyly down at her shoes. Watching the lights dance across the black ballet flats was oddly soothing during such a nerve wracking time. So many scenarios were running around through her head. So many ways for the night to go wrong. None of them seemed to end nicely. A wave of nausea swept over her, toying with her tiny stomach and threatening to ruin any chance of a good night.

She took in a slow and deep breath, closing her eyes for a very brief moment before opening them again. What was she doing? Jac was here, nothing could go wrong. She was an expert when it came to these kinds of places. She was a social butterfly in her own odd and slightly abnormal way. If anything happened Jac would be right there to back Rayvyn up, she knew that. So why was she so worried?

Because you're you, that's why. with a sharp exhale she tried to shove the negative thoughts out. Focus on right now Rayvyn, you can do that. Focus on the good like you do when you paint. "I know, I'm trying. But some guy almost talked to me!" she nearly squealed but clearly not in delight. There was fear in her voice and in her wide, luminescent eyes. Wow did she ever look albino under these lights. She stood out among the darker pallet of the room. Her pasty skin and ivory hair with those glowing, red-orange eyes. A few people were staring; car crash effect.

"I will never agree to go there no mater how much you beg," she added with a slightly forced smile. She had heard more than enough about Coco De Ville to know she was never setting foot in there. "Easier said than done. Whenever I try and be rude I just end sounding pathetic. If I even stay conscious long enough to say anything," she replied dimly. Pessimist.

“I’ll try my pest to be social,” she promised, this time actually smiling. “I apologize ahead of time if I get clingy though, I know I can do that at times.” This was a bit of an understatement but it was the thought that counted. Right? Rayvyn, when out and about with Jac, tended to follow her like a puppy. She was so awkward it was almost disgusting though Jac was probably he only one that saw the improvements she had made.

Before this the only thing she could ever get out was unimportant facts about nothing relevant to the time. Now look at her, holding an actual conversation with meaning and importance. She really was a bit pathetic when it came to her social skills though Jac and Vincent were both helping in their own ways.

As she looked around she couldn’t help but wish she had eaten before she left the house. Her paranoia mixed with knowledge from books advised her not to eat the food here; if there even was some. Or maybe it was just her anorexia talking. She probably should though, the only thing she had had all day was an apple, a tea and half of a garden salad. Maybe after she would stop and get something then just have a shot of vinegar when she got home. That would work…

outfit: click me
words: 564
muse: meh
notes: lyrics by the flaming lips
music: girl by beck[/size]